dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
