yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
