My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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