all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
