Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
