Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
