is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
How naked do you want me to be?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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