I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
