Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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