My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
