I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
