The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
