One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
