I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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