like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
