How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
