Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Say something about gay babies.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
