y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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