if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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