i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize