how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
