every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
