I skipped work to stalk him.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
