I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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