Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
