The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
