She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
