great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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