What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
