First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
