I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
