your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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