Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i think my mom watched the whole time
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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