he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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