Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
