when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
