would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize
