On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
