Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
