So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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