Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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