The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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