i already hear my dad disowning me
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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