Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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