Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
