Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
