Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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