I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
