i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
