ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
