He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you win again, gameday.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
