i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
