Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
