I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
