How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
