I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Randomize
