I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
