I'm sorry my penis didn't work
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
