I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
