there was a trapeze. enough said
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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