You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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