she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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