Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Randomize
