So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize