Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
