If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
