drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
