The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
