I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
