so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
